Thursday, 30 October 2014

Getting Space in Relationships

My 12 year wedding anniversary is coming up soon. There are probably a thousand reasons why our relationship works. But I thought of a good one today... It's having some time apart... Yes, I know that sounds strange at first glance...

My husband's job requires some business travel... Before, when our children were younger, I would have a little breakdown, tantrum (or what ever you want to call it) a day or two before he would leave and would make him feel guilty for leaving me with the babies alone.

Over the years this has improved... The children are getting older, they go to school now and I think I'm just a bit more organized. It occurred to me recently (after a long stint with him home) that I actually enjoy it when he goes away, as long as it's not too often and for not too long - of course.

It gives me the chance to catch up on things... For some reason I can get more done with him away. I get some special moments with my kids... For example I normally let each one of them sleep with me one night, while he is away. I think they love that special attention and one-on-one time. Also, I normally relax the rules a bit. Like, I'll let the kids eat dinner in front of the TV, instead of at the dinner table (which is what we always do as a family together).

And lastly, it makes me miss him. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder"... One moment he is driving me mad and the next moment (sometimes already as soon as his journey to the airport) I'm writing him text messages saying how I already miss him etc etc. And I mean it. And we normally send each other fun and sweet text messages during his travels. It's very romantic!

He says that although he is working while away, and sometimes the travel is grueling, it gives him great perspective to get away from the humdrum of every day family life. He also says that he appreciates and misses us while away. He normally seems recharged upon his return, and makes an important effort to be sure that I get that same opportunity... And supports me to have a trip with friends or family once or twice a year.

It's really all about attitude. I think my attitude about the subject has changed... Now I can see the positives it brings to our relationship and to ourselves as individuals, to get some space from each other from time to time.

I know this is an often discussed topic... please let me know your thoughts about this!